Breastfeeding is Hard!

*Don't read this if you don't want to hear about breastfeeding!*

Eric and I bravely took a breastfeeding class before Elizabeth was born. We learned so much in three hours that I felt that the course should have been longer. I felt prepared and knew what to expect when our baby was born.

Within the first hour Elizabeth was able to latch on and the nurse was so impressed with her. She was able to do 20 minutes on each side and every two hours after that I would try again. The problem was she got so sleepy that she would just refuse to suck even after I tried to wake her up by taking off her clothes.

On the second day she would begin to wake up a little bit and the lactation consultant came in and asked if I had any questions. Since Elizabeth did so well I thought things were going to be a breeze, until that evening.

At around midnight Elizabeth was inconsolable. She would suck for 20 minutes on each breast and then continue rooting so I would give her my breasts again. For two hours she was on my breast and I was tired, in pain and not sure what to do. I felt like the colostrum was not coming in because I was unable to squeeze anything out.

I called the nurse and she was not able to give me any advice expect that she was probably cluster feeding. Cluster feeding now? I don't have anything. She asked if I wanted to give her a pacifier or give her some supplement? I didn't know, both of these things I was told not to do if I wanted to breastfeed successfully.

I began to have feelings of disappointment in myself, I did not know what to do. What mother feels that way? What choice is the best choice for her? I caved in and allowed the nurse to give her 10 mL of formula. Why starve the child?

The next day I was to be released from the hospital and I requested to see the lactation consultant before I left. She saw Elizabeth latch on but was able to see that I was not able to produce any colostrum. So she encouraged us to continue and to supplement her at 15 mL per feeding except that now we would use a syringe and tube to artificially supplement her.

This meant that feeding was a two man job. Eric would get the formula into the syringe and then put the tube next to my breast into Elizabeth's mouth where she would suck on my breast but be getting formula instead. Our first week and a half was very hard and very tiring. It didn't help that sometimes Eric had to go to work or run errands which made feeing difficult and once he didn't get home in time I had to give Elizabeth the bottle.

Finally my breast milk came in about six days later and our pediatrician had seen Elizabeth three times in less than two weeks because her weight had dropped dramatically. We have increased her supplement to 1 1/2 ounces per feeding and now we have moved from the syringe to 10 minutes on each breast and then feeding from the bottle since I plan to go back to work.

It's so much easier now that I can feed her myself, but this whole experience made me realize why some people just cannot breastfeed. Our bodies are made up differently and our babies have different needs than what we want. Hopefully, with time Elizabeth will be able to switch over to breast milk only. In the meantime, our main concern is to get her weight gain up to where she was before making any more changes. Hats off to all the women who breastfeed successfully. I know it is NOT easy, even when the classes make it seem like it's a piece of cake.