Struggles

School has certainly taken a toll on me. I just finished my last paper for one class and a comprehensive take home final for another. I just have a 3 hour final exam and a 10-15 page research paper left along with typing up my reading journals. This semester has been a huge challenge and next semester it only gets busier. I'm nervous that I'll be getting married in about 6 months and 12 days. Eric and I have so much to do still for the wedding. We're lucky we have great friends and family that are willing to help us out when the time comes.

Work has been a challenge too. If you don't know, I love my office, but the people outside it...aren't as nice to me...sometimes. I've gotten yelled at for something I didn't do, had students and parents dropped off at my door for ME to fix a problem, and a whole host of other issues. Some days I just want to give my two weeks notice and other days I love it. Things are never as easy as you want them to be.

Three weeks ago for my U101 (freshman transition course) class I put my TA in charge of finding students so I could have a relationship panel. My TA could only find one student and it went terrible. Not only did the person my TA found say some inappropriate things but made one of my questions seem dumb. The class was a disaster! Then what made it worse is after the terrible class my TA had the guts to tell me that it was doomed from the beginning since nobody wants to hear how to have a relationship and nobody wants to get preached at like their parents. I was thinking the entire time when my TA was saying this was "Why didn't you say anything? and Why didn't you come up with something else? This was the ONLY task I put my TA in charge of and I felt that I needed to give my TA some role in the class besides just showing up and commenting on everything I have to say.

In hindsight, I should have asked my friend Sarah to come talk to the class about how her life is married to a physician. I think that would have been more powerful than what my TA put together.

I can't wait until December 8th. I think things will go so much better once I am finished with my paper and 3 hour final exam.

Things To Do!

It's crunch time. These are the things I would like to accomplish this weekend:
1. Write an annotated outline for my research paper.
2. Do two questions for my exam (four pages total).
3. Read 3 books, skim 3 books, read 3 journal articles.
4. Read 3 chapters out of two books.
5. Write a 180 word response to a discussion question.
6. Start typing up my reading journals and post them online.
7. Write two questions from my readings.
8. Read and prepare lecture for Rich's class on Monday.

I also want to:
1. Visit Rachel and her kiddos as I haven't seen them in months!
2. Visit the Baker family in Champaign, IL for their housewarming party.
3. Have the weekly dinner with Eric's grandma.

Update:

1. Write an annotated outline for my research paper.
2. Do two questions for my exam (four pages total). Only did one.
3. Read 3 books, skim 3 books, read 3 journal articles. Read the three journal articles!
4. Read 3 chapters out of two books.
5. Write a 180 word response to a discussion question. Finished!
6. Start typing up my reading journals and post them online.
7. Write two questions from my readings. Finished!
8. Read and prepare lecture for Rich's class on Monday.

I also want to:
1. Visit Rachel and her kiddos as I haven't seen them in months! Never got a call back. :(
2. Visit the Baker family in Champaign, IL for their housewarming party. Didn't make it. :( :(
3. Have the weekly dinner with Eric's grandma. Check!

I also typed a 100 word summary of my service learning project! I have lots more homework for this week! I hope I can make it!

PostSecrets!

I'm not sure how I first stumbled upon www.postsecrets.com. It could be from my friend Hannah who would randomly send an e-mail from that website, but I never really understood the concept. This summer I began to really get hooked and would get up Sunday morning to read them.

When I found out that Frank Warren, founder of PostSecrets, was coming to St. Louis I planned it on my calendar and was determined to go. I had no doubts when I got up this morning about going and I'm so glad I did.

I got to UMSL around 5:15 and Eric met me shortly thereafter. We ate dinner on the ground floor of the Millennium Center and then went to the third floor met by now a huge line of people. I regretted that I didn't start a line when I first got there thinking that I had plenty of time.

Luckily Eric still had his old UMSL ID and got us in as if he was a student. We got seats towards the front and waited over an hour for Frank Warren to come out to talk to us. I was so mad that I left my PostSecret book and camera at home!

His mission of the project inspired me and makes me want to go back to Life Crisis to volunteer. I have to re-evaluate whether or not I can make a commitment to go back answering phone calls from people who are lonely, sad, have serious life problems, or thoughts of suicide.

Part of Frank's time we listened to secrets or questions from people in the audience. Some revealed some funny moments in their lives and others revealed real difficulties they were working through. I was so moved and I know I wasn't the only one brought to tears. I learned some really interesting facts: The producers of the video "Dirty Little Secrets" donated $2,000 to 1-800-SUICIDE if they could use the postcards from PostSecrets and Frank Warren has his own company that he still has and PostSecrets was really a project for him because his job was so monotonous. Plus his mail carrier, Kathy, requested Frank to get a bigger mailbox!

Part of the reason why I never went into true counseling was because during my internships and practicum I began to felt burnt out. I carried the burden of the secrets people would tell me and felt that I never made an impact on their life. I also didn't feel confident that I would make a good counselor, despite all the role-plays I did where I was commended for the skills I used and the words I chose.

I feel that Frank Warren is a counselor within and he may not know it. He has that soothing, calm voice that makes everything seem okay even when someone has revealed a very hurtful secret.

One counseling experience I will NEVER forget was when I worked on the Crisis Hotline and a man called and told me about how he lost his job because he had a mental illness and lost everything he had. He didn't want to use services or rely on his parents. I didn't know what to say and everything I said to inspire hope only made him angrier. So when I was lost for words I told the man, "I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like your life really does suck." I braced myself to get yelled at, but surprised to hear him thank me for understanding how he felt.

I hope that all of you have someone to share your secrets with. I really agree with Frank, it only allows us to connect on a more intimate level.